Man, I've just realized something sort of epic.

I've forgotten how to be alone.

I used to be alone a lot as a kid. I was an only child. I enjoyed it. I'd sit in my room for hours with a keyboard in my lap and a "boom box" on record, plunking stupid shit out over a mechanical beat and writing stupid lyrics that made little sense. For HOURS. I had notebooks of songs, a typewriter I used to write stories, stacks of books I'd read by flashlight, under the covers.

Even 5 years ago, when it was a computer in the basement, I would sit on irc but I was still writing poetry, taking photos, designing shitty webpages, making candles, learning guitar, cooking, even gardening.

Now, if I'm alone, I'm grasping at my Sidekick (Who's online right now that wasn't 3 minutes ago? Surely I have some unanswered email! Hmm, what's happening on my flist?) or playing Guitar Hero. I can't even get on the eliptical without my Sidekick right in front of me.

I'm ashamed admit that this has been the downfall of all my creativity, but I'm afraid that it has.

Sometimes I feel like I've traded my intelligence and originality for what may be passing relationships. It's unsettling, frankly. I have to think that there's some way to make these relationships turn into something more. I realize that these are the "new" friendships (the "new" networking), this is what things are coming to. I wonder if I'm just not adjusting to that well and that maybe I'm abusing the system.

But frankly, I also attribute being able to maintain my close friendship with my BFF to our constant availability. We can share everything together, be a part of each other's lives even when we're over a hundred miles away. Because we don't talk on the phone unless it's necessary (I think I've gotten more concert calls from her than voice calls), but even just an IM here and there to say "argh, someone's using the washing mashine in the laundry room" tells me enough about what's going on with her evening to make me feel like I'm there, in a sense. And I want to be. Or, I can go to the bar and drunk IM with her, because I want her to be there. In that way, I can still share the experience with her (especially when there's the likelihood I won't remember it later to retell).

What's the solution, does anyone know? Trev would tell me to just shut the damned phone off, walk away, find a quiet room and do something.

And maybe I should disconnect- even for an hour a day if I can. Go read a book, read my Rolling Stone, braid a rug, or take a walk with my camera.

Surely I'm not the only one going through this. I'd love to get everyone's thoughts on it. What's the right amount of constant availability/connectivity?

at some point in the last month or really, two, i apparenlty lost all regard for sleep. i'm not sure exactly how that happened. most people say that sort of thing happens with kids, but we never really had the problem of being up all hours with molly - she's got her dad's sleeping habits (which is that she loves to), mostly.

my classes are a contributing factor, certainly. but mostly, it's just the internets.

god bless the internet.

also, going to chicago like 3 times in a month? pretty much wins.